Trigger Warning
This post discusses depression, postpartum depression, psychosis, and suicide attempts. Please read with care.
A Note Before We Begin
I am not a medical professional. I am sharing my personal experience and the tools I was given during the hardest periods of my life.
I am 41 years old, and I have been dealing with depression since I was 16, when my mom passed away.
I did not get the help I needed. I learned how to survive instead.
By 20, my depression had rooted deeper. I struggled silently and developed anxiety. I told myself I could handle it. I thought I just needed to be stronger.
I was wrong.
When I got pregnant with my son in 2016, my anxiety intensified. After he was born in 2017, I experienced severe postpartum depression.
I hid it from everyone.
I was deeply sad and began having suicidal thoughts. That depression lasted for three years.
When I became pregnant again in 2020, I felt some relief, but my anxiety was overwhelming. I had thoughts of running away to spare my family the embarrassment of having a mentally unstable mother.
Depression does not always match your life. Everything can look fine on the outside while you are falling apart inside.
In 2025, I had a psychotic break and attempted to take my life. I was hospitalized in November, released, and then attempted again in December.
The first time did not change me. The second time did.
That was my wake-up call.
During my second hospitalization, someone told me, “You are human. Humans hurt.”
I had spent years believing I should be able to fix everything myself.
I also learned this:
“You need a pill and a skill.”
Medication can help, but it is not the only answer. You also need tools, structure, and support.
Here is the truth I had to accept:
You cannot outwork depression.
You cannot out-discipline it.
And ignoring it does not make you strong.
I tried to fix it with grit and silence. It only made things worse.
I also learned I needed self-compassion and grace.
I used to think those were for weak people. They are not.
They are what keep you here.
I stopped trying to do everything at once. I started small. Simple routines. Small wins. Consistency over intensity.
That is what actually helped me begin to rebuild.
You also need the right kind of help.
Primary doctors are not always enough. If you are struggling, you need a mental health professional. Sometimes more than one.
Support matters too. It does not have to be many people, but it has to be reliable people.
And if you do not have that, there are still options. Peer groups and hotlines count.
If you are in the U.S., you can call or text 988.
You are not alone.
Over 21 million adults in the U.S. experience depression each year, and suicide remains one of the leading causes of death.
If you take one thing from this, let it be this:
You are not supposed to do this alone.
I now create tools for people trying to function again after depression, anxiety, or trauma.
If you need support, I have a free anxiety reset guide in my Beacons link and additional tools in my Etsy shop.
You can also find me on Pinterest and Instagram at AmandaMillionCo.
Final Thought
Being strong is not doing it alone.
Being strong is getting the help you need.
It does not.
Being strong is getting the help you need, even when every part of you wants to hide.